Our journey so far...

**This story will be in two parts. There is a very important piece to this puzzle that is not with me but is instead back at home on hubby's computer. Not only can I not publish it tonight because I don't have it, but I also have to ask his permission!:)

Well, the moment you have all been waiting for (I'm sure!). I haven't written about adoption in a while because I was unsure of what God was doing. I guess I'm still not "sure" but feel like we are at a place of peace.

As I have said before, I have prayed about adoption for about 5 years now. I don't know the exact moment when it began. I do know that in the very beginning I was drawn to children in foster care. I can not wrap my mind around the thought of being a child taken from home, taken from everything familiar. Siblings separated. Nothing familiar- good or bad. Feeling complete and total loss.

I believe the God's initial intention was to get my attention. This has been a true spiritual journey for me. There have been many valleys that I have walked through when I have felt like I was totally alone. Why in the world did God place this desire on my heart? I cried out to Him so many times to please just take it away- why wasn't He listening to me? Guess what? He was. He was trying to teach me a lesson- a lesson in patience, a lesson in obedience and how to listen and not talk so darn much! I finally got the hint. I'd like to say I completely turned it over to Him, but I'd be lying. Why is that so hard for me? Don't get me wrong- I did try to let it go, but it was always in the back of my head. I did eventually come to a place where I had peace about it. If it was God's will for our family to adopt, then it would happen. If not, that was okay, too.

We have researched domestic infant adoption. We researched international adoption. You name it, we've looked into it. I do want to tell everyone that we believe a decision has been made and this is kind of where I started several years ago. Could this change? In an instant. We will follow His lead. But we are so at peace with this decision (and elated!). My hubby once said, "I am perfectly happy with our family just the way it is." Well, guess what? I don't believe God is. And I don't believe that my husband feels our family is complete anymore, either.

I have had a dream for many years that we would one day be one of the "crazy" families that people just look at and wonder "what in the world?!". Not because we are so out of our minds (although, that may be true), but because of the amount of children we have. I have dreamed of a large family. One of those families that my girls say "have to drive a homeschool van". You know the one- the 15 passenger van that you must be a homeschooler to drive! I love those vans and can't wait to own one. So....beginning Monday, if all things go as planned, we will begin the process of adopting a large sibling group from foster care.

I will go ahead and answer the question you are thinking- Yes, we've lost it and I am proud to admit that. How will we feed them, you ask? God will provide. He hasn't let us down yet! Am I naive in thinking this will be easy? Absolutely not! I know we face many, many challenges. I'm sure we'll be ready for some of them and others will come out of nowhere. Are we okay with that? Yes.

One of my favorite sayings (and I have no idea who said it) is-

God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.

That's exactly how we feel at this moment.

And just when we think we have a firm grasp on this entire situation, we will be gently reminded that it has nothing to do with how tightly we hold on. Instead, it's about having complete faith and remembering who is in control. I have no doubt that this journey will be full of unexpecteds, tears and moments of pure joy. We think we are ready, pray we are ready- what more can we do?

Like I said earlier, I left out one of the most important pieces to this puzzle. I will post more about that later. Until then, I hope you all have a blessed weekend!

Amazed by His grace,
E