Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.1 Corinthians 16:13
But after all is said and done, I feel peace. A true peace from God. You see, our plan was to complete mountains (and mountains and mountains:) of paperwork, fight the system and travel to Ukraine for our daughter. Our plan was to have her home for her 5th birthday in January. Our plan was not HIS. Were we being used the entire time to keep her from being institutionalized? Were we the promise that her orphanage director needed in order to keep her in the baby house? Were we the ones that were suppose to travel to meet this angel so we could tell others? Did God hold our hands as we walked into her orphanage for the last time knowing that her real Mommy and Daddy were half a world away? Did He know that all along? I feel like this must be it.
My Mom asked me recently if we would ever go back to Ukraine? My answer today- NO WAY!! I am terribly frightened of that place. Physically frightened. And I don't think that anyone else besides my hubby and myself will ever truly understand what happened there- the fear and uneasiness we felt. We had a bad experience- one that many families don't have. But that doesn't make our experience any more pleasant.
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. 1 Timothy 1:12
And I'll be honest here (and MANY of you will have a problem with what I'm about to say- sorry if I step on your toes)- I feel like I was part of something terrible. Something dark and hidden by many in the adoption industry. Corruption. Bribery. And paying people off to look the other way or to help make things happen faster. I know this happened in our adoption, but not until after the fact and that makes me sick. Sick to know that we had a part in it all.
But regardless of what happened to us and the circumstances surrounding our time before and in Ukraine, THESE ORPHANS NEED US!!! Please, pray about how God wants to use you. Pray about what happened to us. Realize what could happen but know that it quite possibly may not. Follow God's heart.
Prayerfully, we will adopt another special angel...in God's time.
In Him,
E
7 comments:
I have missed hearing of you and your family. The photos of your family are just beautiful! Blessings Catherine
I think you being completely honest about your journey is part of God's plan, even though it may be hard to say (and read) thank you for your honesty. It is reaching others, know that.
I pray for the orphans daily and wish we could help them all! I just posted a few days ago about the 163 million orphans...staggering number. And, no, you're not wrong for healing and feeling better. In my opinion, you're following God, and he's healing you and giving you peace. Happy New Year!
You never know do you... how God will use you as an instrument. It's so hard to understand what you've been through.I've been reading and it's so unbelievable. But if you were not there for Ruslana all this time, where would she be today? We know the answer to that. It could only have been His hand guiding and planning for and protecting Ruslana.
Big hugs, and I know you are right--unless we've walked in your shoes, we can never truly understand the enormity of things. ~hug~
What is it about us humans that make us need everything to be explained...all neat and tidy> We may never know on this side of eternity why God had you do what you did. And that's ok. We just know that He did use you and it was for His glory...even if we never get the chance to understand.
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. -- Jeremiah 29
His ways are often foreign to our finite thinking and limited understanding. We do know for sure though, that His plans are HIS plans and will always bring glory to Him. Even if we don't see it and can't possibly understand it.
He reigns.
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